It's been around one month since the supposed revival of this blog, but I find I've lost my taste for posting things online. I have a notebook, see, and ideas constantly churning in my head that I can't show anyone, at least for now. I'm devoting my all to academics (woah, really, I actually care about my classes now), UP Tomo-Kai, learning about people and God, thinking, and writing things down mentally or actually in my notebook.

So no, no blog in there :)). If I ever do post something in here, most probably it'll be some writing exercise from one of my classes, or some lengthy rant about some random thing to procrastinate, like now. Maybe someday I'll go back to posting regularly, but right now I'm too pressured by things that I consider more important than writing things here, especially since I'm still writing, you just don't see it anymore.

So 'til next time :D

Hello hello! Namiss niyo ba ako? Hihihi. Ako, namiss ko kayo. ('Bat parang ang creepy nung sinulat ko nung binasa ko siya uli?) Kaya't heto, matapos ang napakahabang soul-searching hiatus ko, ako'y muling nagbalik! MUHAHAHA!

Pansin niyo naman siguro (unless ngayon niyo pa lang nadatnan ang blog na ito), na nagpalit na ako ng layout. Iisa-isahin ko ang proseso, kasi deserve niya ito. So una, yung site title. Nakuha ko 'yan sa Septimus Heap series, na sobrang nakakatuwang basahin. 'Di siya pwedeng macompare sa Harry Potter, pero hindi ibig sabihin na hindi siya sulit bilhin at pagpuyatan, dahil maganda rin naman siya. Subukan niyo ring basahin :D

Next, ang pics. Combination lang yan ng apat na pics na pinaghalo-halo (yung clouds ay isang screenshot galing sa Soul Eater, nung napatigil si Death the Kidd sa paghahabol kay Crona dahil biglang naging symmetrical ang mundo, lol), at for the first time, puro basic brushes lang ang ginamit ko. Limang araw ko rin siyang ginawa, kasama na ang coding, na medyo matagal considering simple lang yung layout, pero nanibago rin kasi ako matapos ang mahabang hiatus. Salamat kay ~zalas, ~jimothy, at ~Haila-OurFarewell para sa ibang mga pics.

Bakit ganito ang layout? Binagay ko siya sa isang kwentong isinusulat ko, na ipopost ko sa susunod kong entry.

Bakit ba ako tumigil sa pagboblog? Well, una, tinamad ako. Masyadong marami ang mga pinag-iisipan ko nung panahong iyon, na hindi ko rin naman maaaring i-share. Oo, binibitin ko kayo. Pero totoong di ko talaga mashashare, kasi di ko alam pano sisimulan. Kaya iwanan na lang natin sa ganun.

Ang importante'y tapos na iyon, at nais kong i-share kung ano na bang pinaggagagawa ko ngayon. Ako'y kumukuha na ng BA Creative Writing sa UPD (puffed out chest). Ulitin natin. Ako'y isa nang estudyante ng Kolehiyo ng Arte at Literatura ng Unibersidad ng Pilipinas, majoring in BA Creative Writing. Hay, ansarap talagang basahin~

2nd year na ako, at parang andami na ring nagbago mula nang huli akong magpost sa blog na ito. Hay. Feeling ko antanda ko na :)). Well, matagal na rin akong may uban sa buhok, so no wonder. Sana naman mahaba pa ang buhay ko.

Iyon lang muna.(sabi ni prof, kelangan din ng distance to make a relationship work. hrmhrm. so bitin na muna uli) Kamusta kamusta~ Kita-kits uli mamaya :D

The camera was shocked. For the last half hour, it had been photographing nothing but charcoaled meat and grease-blackened grills. Where were the birds, the buds slowly uncurling their petals to the setting sun? Where were the – What was that just now? Intestines on a stick?

Something was wrong. For the first time in the ten years since it had been unwrapped from its manufacturer's packaging by the gentle hands that held it now, it wished it was not her mechanical eye. Oh, to have a neck to turn upon at will, and see as it wished! What he would give to have the power to look up at its owner's face right now without needing someone to direct it so!

But she had other plans for it. It was baking in smoke. It couldn't understand. Wars between she and those closest to her had been born out of the lightest of foreign touches upon its black surface. Yet here it was choking in the smoke, subjected to all sorts of particles flying about that could jam its anytime.

Something was definitely wrong. She seemed to be standing as close as possible to the grill, where it was hottest. Every now and then, she would make it sneak glances at the boy in charge of fanning the meat. It had once heard its owner say that she planned on becoming a wildlife photographer someday, but it thought practicing on a human, though a bit greasy with the charcoal and heat, was pushing it a little. And what did she find so interesting about it all anyway?

They had actually been passing by this place regularly for a while now. She would always look over here, sometimes using up ten whole minutes just standing on the sidewalk looking over here, one foot forward and one foot back, but this was the first time she had actually come close. She needed to take a photograph for an article someone had written for the school paper, she said to the boy as she held the camera up to his face. Please don't mind me. He said, OK, smiling. At that moment, the camera felt the hands holding it tremble.

Still, half an hour is a lot of time to take just one photo for an article that was pretty worthless in its opinion. What was the point?

The photographer aimed the camera at the boy's face once more for a quick glimpse. She saw him looking at her through the lens. She gasped and nearly sent the camera crashing down onto the rocks underfoot.

You've been working hard, the boy said. How about eating some? Pick anything. It's on me.

The camera was still pointed at his face, though she seemed to have forgotten that it was in her hands. Maybe it was the heat, because the boy's cheeks were red, and the photographer's hands had become unbearably warm, as she reached one out to take a burnt stick.

Sometimes, I just get so tired of thinking. I twist and turn around the threads of thought, and most of the time they just twist themselves into knots, and my head hurts, and I just want to give up and throw out all this philosophizing into the air. Live whichever way they tell me too. But when those moments come, I remind myself that that was not the point of it all. Well, I wonder if it even has a point, but if it does at least that's not it. I'll have to bring in more pain, or everything I've ever gone through would have been a waste.

I was searching through the internet just now. I've recently gone on a quest, see: Find the point of life. Haha. How unoriginal of me. But you'd think that after everything humanity's gone through, we'd have found the answer for that already. Some people have. I'm sure some of them have. You'd think they'd have shared it with the rest of humanity, but wisdom can't be taught. So I'm looking for it myself.

What struck me the most was the prevalent notion that the point of life was: Happiness. The way of the Tao. Life will throw you suffering. Life will throw you lemons, great big rotting lemons. Grin and bear it. Find happiness.

I don't know about you, but I think a life well-lived is more than just being happy. You can say things like being spiritually happy, or truly happy. I still won't agree.

"Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil --or else an absolute ignorance."
Graham Greene

I don't see why people hate suffering so much. Well, I don't like suffering either, but I appreciate it. No, I don't hate it. Maybe I even like it a tad. I don't want to float above the ground on a helium high, I want to crawl upon the earth. I'm probably not making a lot of sense right now. See why wisdom can't be taught? Haha. Yeah, I'm a feeler, I know.

Certainly, I want to be happy. But I think life means so much more than the satisfaction of our pleasures. And are we all so selfish? To do things only so that we could be happy? Is that really the beginning and the end to everything? Selfishness? Ours, and that of our loved ones'? Life has to be so much more. I have to believe that humanity is much more. I have to believe that we do good things not because we want to go to heaven, but because. I want to believe those of us who are pure are not so just because they have never been faced with an opportunity to sin. I have to believe in this things, or what would be the point?